The school, the parents & me

The main reason for being reluctant to start this blog, was that I didn't want to sound too negative all the time. It's easy to complain and see the down side of everything (for me, anyway ;-).
So yes, I'll try not to "go South" too much. I'll try to be balanced and realistic instead of pessimistic, and who knows...even optimistic from time to time.


BUT...(you knew this was coming, right?) I need some kind of outlet. There's no one here to whom I can show how I really feel. No one to talk too. I have to hide my tears from everyone.
I've spoken out loud the words "I feel a bit homesick" just once. And the reaction to that can best be described as "get yourself together".

So now that I'm hit by another wave of homesickness, I'm just going to pour it all out here.

Before coming to Munich, I was absolutely sure I'd meet new people through The Little Man's school. Looking at all the socialising and chit-chat going on around 3.30pm at the school gate in Brussels (in at least three different languages), I was pretty confident I'd find the same setting here in Germany.

Wrong.

Let me just randomly list all the things that I've noticed so far.

- no fixed drop-off or pick-up times for school, means everybody comes at different times. No gatherings at the school gate.

- Even if it's a trilingual "international" school, it's very German. Somehow all parents speak German. I feel like I'm the only non-German.

- despite the lack of "school gate gatherings", all parents seem to know eachother. This became obvious to me at the kids' Christmas party just before the Holidays. And they sure knew how to "clique" together. In such a way that I was the only parent left without a spot at the table (no seat offered of course). So I just squeezed myself in a tiny chair together with The Little Man at the kids' table. And no one said a word to me. Not "Hi, we haven't seen you here before". No "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm so and so's mom or dad". Nothing. Nada. So much for Christmas spirit. Just loudly talking amongst themselves in German. I haven't felt so lonely in ages as at that stupid Christmas party.

- Am I the only one with 2 kids? I seem to be the only one juggling a baby and a toddler. The parents I do meet in the morning or evening (every time different ones, mind you, not twice the same people), all seem to just drop off or pick up one kid. No acrobatics with push chairs, prams, automatically closing doors and running toddlers. Just one kid. I'm clueless. Do they all have nannies to stay with the babies at home? Is one of the parents always staying home with the baby? In Brussels this was part of the fun : looking and cooing at eachothers' babies, see them grow, etc.

- The moms I do see at school all look like they've just spent 2 hours in the bathroom - yes, even in the morning. I consider myself lucky if I'm able to shower and I'm wearing clothes without spit-up milk on them. So I don't know how they do it. Again: do they all have just one kid? Or do they all have nannies? Or does the german husband help out in the mornings?  I don't know...I'm just glad it's winter and I can hide my hair under a hat.

Voilà.

So that's why today, after bringing the Little Man to school, tears were rolling down my face when I was walking home. Not for the first time. And probably not for the last. I miss those other moms so much. I miss our little chats. I miss their stories. I miss the feeling of being part of a group of people who are all in the same boat. I miss seeing other moms with hair hidden under a hat and no make-up, balancing a baby on one arm, while hugging a kid with the other.

I don't know the other parents. I don't know the other kids. In Munich, sometimes it feels like I don't know anything.